How to Forgive
To forgive may be
divine, but no one ever said it was easy. When someone has deeply hurt you, it
can be extremely difficult to let go of your grudge. But forgiveness is
possible—and it can be surprisingly beneficial to your physical and mental
health. “People who forgive show less depression, anger and stress and more
hopefulness,” says Frederic Luskin, Ph. D., author of Forgive for Good (Harper
Collins, 2002). “So it can help save on the wear and tear on our organs, reduce
the wearing out of the immune system and allow people to feel more
vital.”
So how do you start the healing Try following these
steps: Calm yourself. To defuse your anger, try a simple stress-management
technique. “Take a couple of breaths and think of something that gives you
pleasure: a beautiful scene in nature, someone you love,” Luskin says. Don’t
wait for an apology. “Many times the person who hurt you has no intention of
apologizing,” Luskin says. “They may have wanted to hurt you or they just don’t
see things the same way. So if you wait for people to apologize, you could be
waiting an awfully long time.” Keep in mind that forgiveness does not
necessarily mean reconciliation with the person who upset you or condoning of
his or her action. Take the control away from your offender. Mentally
replaying your hurt gives power to the person who caused you pain. “Instead of
focusing on your wounded feelings, learn to look for the love, beauty and
kindness around you,” Luskin says. Try to see things from the other person’s
perspective. If you empathize with that person, you may realize that he or she
was acting out of ignorance, fear—even love. To gain perspective, you may want
to write a letter to yourself from your offender’s point of view. Recognize the
benefits of forgiveness. Research has shown that people who forgive report more
energy, better appetite and better sleep patterns. Don’t forget to forgive
yourself. “For people, forgiving themselves is the biggest challenge,” Luskin
says. “But it can rob you of your self-confidence if you
don’t.” |
